Lincoln’s letter to his son’s Headmistress

Respected Teacher,

My son will have to learn I know, that all men are not just, all men are not true. But teach him also that for every scoundrel there is a hero; that for every selfish politician, there is a dedicated leader. Teach him that for every enemy there is a friend.

It will take time I know; but teach him, if you can, that a dollar earned is of far more value than five found.

Teach him to learn to lose and also to enjoy winning.

Steer him away from envy if you can.

Teach him the secret of quiet laughter. Let him learn early that the bullies are the easiest to lick.

Teach him, if you can, the wonder of books… but also give him quiet time to ponder over the eternal mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun, and flowers on a green hill-side.

In school teach him it is far more honorable to fail than to cheat.

Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if every one tells him they are wrong.

Teach him to be gentle with gentle people and tough with tough.

Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone is getting on the bandwagon.

Teach him to listen to all men but teach him also to filter all he hears on a screen of truth and take only the good that comes through.

Teach him, if you can, how to laugh when he is sad. Teach him there is no shame in tears. Teach him to scoff at cynics and to beware of too much sweetness.

Teach him to sell his brawn and brain to the highest bidders; but never to put a price tag on his heart and soul.

Teach him to close his ears to a howling mob… and to stand and fight if he thinks he’s right.

Teach him gently; but do not cuddle him because only the test of fire makes fine steel.

Let him have the courage to be impatient, let him have the patience to be brave. Teach him always to have sublime faith in himself because then he will always have sublime faith in mankind.

This is a big order; but see what you can do… He is such a fine little fellow, my son.

- Abraham Lincoln.

A Different Hare and Tortoise story

Once upon a time there lived a hare and a Tortoise near a lake in a beautiful forest. The two were great friends indeed . The two were great friends indeed! They used to meet each other frequently, to chat, to dine, to play, and also to quarrel! Their relationship was always very lively.

However, the hare sometimes felt that it is superior to the Tortoise in certain respects. To prove it’s point, one day the Hare persuaded the Tortoise that the two of them should contest in a running race, just for fun! The Tortoise laughed aloud and quipped, “Are you kidding? You want to have a dig at me, knowing full well you will be the winner! The hare said, “Look, it’s only a friendly contest. If you feel insulted, then I’ll not compel you…OK!” and said goodbye. With this remark, the Tortoise responded that it is ready for the contest. In fact, the Hare somehow coaxed the Tortoise in a clever manner to respond positively.

Within a few moments of the start of the race, the Hare was nearing the Finish Line. It was thinking, “My friend is still miles away. In the meantime, let me have a nice nap and when he comes right near me, let me have the pleasure of overtaking him and cross the finish line!”

But the Tortoise came near him, overtook him and also crossed the finish line and still his friend, the Hare was snoring in deep sleep!

The tortoise was very proud and happy that, for once, he could score over his friend in a contest, in which he is least expected to win. The Hare felt very dejected, obviously.

The moral of the story is : Never be over confident!

The story doesn’t end here. Unable to stomach the defeat, the Hare calls for a contest, once again. The tortoise also agrees. This time, the Hare is vigilant and it wins the race very easily. Now the Tortoise feels very dejected over it’s defeat.

The moral of the story is : You cannot defeat a strong opponent when he is equally vigilant.

The story doesn’t end here either. Throughout that night, the Tortoise was brooding over it’s defeat and was wondering whether it can ever defeat the Hare at all! Suddenly, an idea flashed in his mind. The next day, the Tortoise called on his friend and congratulated him on his success. It said, “Since you said it’s a friendly contest, will you agree for another contest…this time with a venue of my choice!”

The Hare said, “Let it be as per your choice”… knowing very well that the Tortoise can never win him in a running race!

The race starts. As usual, the Hare springs fast like an arrow. But he suddenly comes to a grinding halt when he comes across a river in front of him. He goes to his left, to his right, and there is no way that he can go to the other side of the river. In the meantime, the Tortoise comes leisurely in his own pace, gives a sarcastic look at his friend and straight plunges in to the river, swims swiftly, and reaches the other side and wins the race.

The moral of the story is : Each one may have some strong point over the other.

If you think the story ends here, you are mistaken. The cut throat competition goes on for sometime, with alternate victory and defeat on either side. After sometime, both of them get fed up and feel, enough is enough.

They feel deeply of their waning friendship and the Hare said in a remorseful manner, “My dear friend, we have been fooling each other and only developing animosity over each other, in the name of fattening our ego with the pride of victory. I wish we bring back our good old friendship, once again, to its pristine glory.” The Tortoise immediately agrees and also pledges that it will do everything to live in harmony and friendliness.

So, instead of indulging in a cut throat competition, they have determined to travel together with care and concern for each other. When the Hare comes across the river, his friend takes him on his back, and reaches the other shore safely. On the Land, the Tortoise gets on the back of his friend and is able to get past the obstacles in a jiffy! Like this, together, they could cross many rivers and lands, many obstacles and risks, which would not have been possible, had they travelled alone!

The moral of the story is : Together, we can cover greater distance, acieve more, face turbulent situations and times more effectively, and in the long run, we always end up in a win-win situation!

And the story …..begins here, in the real sense, for both of them! Let them enjoy every moment of it.

Parents As Mirrors

You are the whole world to a baby – the source of all comfort and security, the banishers of fears and pain. Every waking hour he learns about himself from you. You are the mirror that shows this new person who he is.

From you smile a baby learns that he is delightful, from your touch a baby learns that he is safe. From your responsiveness to his crying, a baby learns that he effective and important. These are the first lessons about his worth and the building blocks of self esteem.

Babies who are not comforted, who are not spoken to, rocked, and loved, learn other lessons about their worth. They learn that their cries of distress don’t bring relief. They learn helplessness. They learn they are not important. These are the first lessons in poor self-esteem.

As they grow older, children will have other mirrors that show them who they are. Teachers, friends, and sitters will all perform their role, but a child will return to the reflection in the mirror that his parents held for this sense of goodness, importance, and basic worth.

Providing a positive mirror for your children does not mean that you approve of everything that they do or that you let them run the family. There is a way to raise socialized, reasonable children with strong self-esteem. It requires that you look at your child, look at yourself and look at your patterns of communication.

Building Self Esteem in Children

Look At Your Child

It’s not easy to really see your child your vision is clouded by your hopes and fears. Your son might remind you of yourself or your life-partner or another child. When you are able to see your child accurately you’ll be rewarded with a relationship that is more enjoyable, with more reasonable expectations and less conflict. You will be contributing to your child developing good self-esteem.

Accurately seeing your children builds self-esteem in four ways:

First, you are able to recognize their unique abilities and talents to reinforce them, and help them recognize what is special about themselves.

Second, you are able to understand their behaviour in the context of who they are – you don’t misinterpret a natural shyness as being unfriendly, or a need for privacy as rejection. Seen in context, even negative behaviour is more understandable and predictable.

Third, seeing your child accurately helps you focus on changing only the behaviour that is important to change – behaviour that is harmful to them socially, or behaviour that is disruptive to the family.

Fourth, children who feel that they are really seen and understood by their parents cannot afford to be authentic. Such children don’t have to hide parts of themselves because they feel being rejected. If you can accept all of your child, the good and the bad, your child can accept himself, look to you and align to more positive acceptable aspects…

This is the cornerstone of good self-esteem.

( Excerpts from ‘Building self esteem in children’ by R N Judith McKay )